Completely Out of Control

I just realized that I feel so completely out of control with this whole thing. Let me explain. I am an outspoken and very in control individual. I have OCD and I have always been the pro-active mom. ALWAYS....Till now. Now I feel completely and totally out of control of everything. I feel like a robot....The Cardio tells me what to do and when. The Pediatrician tells me what to do and when...And I follow commands. I realized that I'm so unknowledgable about the heart, how it works, and what needs to be done, that i find myself not even knowing where to research and what to do to make sure I am doing the right things. So, in otherwords, completely in the dark. UGH I really hate this feeling. I want to KNOW he's getting the best care, I want to feel CONFIDENT that I am doing the right things, I want to feel emotional strong in this journey and for some reason I can't find the strength to do that. I still cry everyday about Trenton's heart, and I still cry everyday he has to go through this. And crying isn't going to fix anything. I need to find a way to stop crying and start acting. UGH